Byline: Norman Draper; Staff Writer
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You thought you were a nurturing, caring parent.
You read to your children from the time they were infants. Vacation trips became lessons in the rudiments of history and geography. You did all those things the experts said you should do to foster learning.
But look what happened. Homework assignments aren't getting turned in, and your kids are tuning out in the classroom. Try to strike up a conversation about the American Revolution, and it somehow gets twisted into a monologue about Corey Koskie's fielding or the Backstreet Boys' singing.
Where did you go wrong?
Probably nowhere.
Rearing a good learner is no science, and barely even an art. The family genes can either thwart your best intentions or aid them, and there's nothing you can do about that. And the so-called experts in the field can only take you so far: Read to your children, limit the use of electronics, get involved in their schooling.
Beyond that, your home is the laboratory, and you have to experiment.
'I find myself going through my whole bag of tricks, trying to find out what will work this time,' said Linda Spee, president of the Minnesota PTA and the mother of a 15-year-old boy and a 12-year-old girl. 'I think you go through cycles and they don't work, and you try them again and they do, and try them again and they don't work.'
'There's no magic wand,' said Lisa Silmser, who teaches seventh-grade English at Anoka's Sandburg Middle School. 'If there was, you could pick it up at Wal-Mart.'
Some things to try
What all of this means is that there are plenty of ideas that might work in your case, and they certainly are worth a try. For example:
- Nothing beats silence for creating a suitable homework environment, said Marika Ginsburg-Block, an assistant professor of educational psychology at the University of Minnesota. Turn off the TV and stereo and stay off the phone.
- Offer reasonable choices to your child, such as the best time to work, and the most interesting media to explore (the encyclopedia or the Internet, for instance).
- If a particular homework problem is frustrating to your child, urge him to move on to others that are easier. When that vexing problem can no longer be ignored, set a timer for five minutes; there can be no calls to adults for help until the time is up.
- Try to judge whether the material your child is dealing with is too tough or too easy, which can squelch any interest in doing it.
- Try to capitalize on their interests.
Kate Weidenbach, a third-grade teacher at Minneapolis' Tuttle Elementary School, appealed to her son's passion, baseball, when the fifth-grader was assigned to write a poem, ordinarily an odious task to a kid who ate and breathed sports.
'I said, `Stop thinking about poetry; just tell me what you feel like when you are playing,' ' Weidenbach said.
'He told me some of those things, and I said, `Tell me every color you see when you're playing baseball, and when you breathe in, waiting for that first ball, what's that feeling?' When he was done, he produced some of the most beautiful poetry about how he felt when he was playing baseball... . It was gorgeous.'
A world of learning
Kit Wilhite, director of youth and family programs for the Science Museum of Minnesota, likes to point out that the world around us is one huge learning opportunity. There's science in the thunderstorm bearing down on your neighborhood, in the flowers growing in your garden, in the birds that frequent your feeder. Math comes in when measuring is done for cooking and when figuring out what to do with accumulated allowance money. You might know this already, but Wilhite's key point is this: Don't make a chore of these learning events; weave them into the fabric of daily life. That results in less skepticism and gives those teachable moments some staying power.
Getting other kids involved helps, too. If a neighbor child starts rattling off state capitals, your own kids might want to get into the act. And sometimes knowledge is more palatable when it doesn't come from on high.
'Well, of course Dad knows the state capitals; come on,' Ginsburg-Block said. 'But if it's someone closer in age, well, `Look, she knows state capitals!' That can be very helpful in learning.'
You're the parent
Sometimes it's all right to lay down the law.
'One of the things parents might have lost in the shuffle is their right to parent,' said Kathleen Brown, principal of Holy Family Catholic High School in Victoria. 'I don't need to be a friend to my child... . So yeah, `Today what we're doing is sitting here and reading, and I'm the parent,' and yeah, maybe it's because I said so.'
Talking over current events can work, especially if it strikes close to home. Spee has no trouble engaging her children in conversation over the news of the home school district - Rochester - especially with teacher layoffs and big cuts in store this school year.
Some educators dislike the notion of awards or privileges for homework or reading assignments done well. But Marianne Norris, Minneapolis schools executive director of teacher and instructional services, thinks there's a place for making deals, or 'contracts,' with your kids.
'Let's say the child enjoys cars,' she said. 'Maybe the parent will say, `There's an auto show coming up... . Let's make a chart and we'll track how much reading you do,' and if the child reads 30 hours by the time of the auto show, they'll go together.' Norris warns of contracts that are too vague and long-term; they can easily be ignored or forgotten.
At the library
On a day shortly before school started, some real experts gathered at Richfield's Augsburg Park public library. Eight-year-old Alex Putnam was exploring the world of Harry Potter. The books are a challenge, but Alex decided to tackle them because 'other people told me it was fun.' How would he advise parents who want their kids to read more? Parents should get their kids interested in books that have television counterparts.
'Like Rugrats,' he said.
Most of the Zilka family - four girls, two boys and mother Ann - were there availing themselves of everything from science fiction, to history, to Nancy Drew mysteries. The Zilka kids have always been read to by their parents, and they read to each other. Fourteen-year-old Katherine, the oldest, noted that her mom often livens up her readings to the family by using different voices for the characters.
'That really kept our imagination going,' she said. Younger sisters Rose, 8, and Abby, 10, found books on tape to be a good entry point to reading.
Katherine had another tip for holding an audience. 'I'd say start reading a book, then leave it at a climax, then have them finish it.'
Nearby, 8-year-old Katelyn Erickson also offered a bit of advice.
'If it's too hard for them, maybe they should pick out an easier book,' she said.
There's some consolation amid the mix of failures and successes: You have plenty of company.
Spee said she often commiserates with other parents who are disappointed that their learning strategems haven't worked.
'We share our frustrations and ideas and success, and then share our frustrations again,' she said. 'Sometimes, as a parent, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one with the same frustrations, and that maybe I didn't do such a bad job after all.'
- Norman Draper is at ndraper@startribune.com.
For eager readers ...
Kids at the Augsburg Park Library in Richfield had tips for parents:
- Read to your kids
- Use different voices for the characters
- Find books that correspond to TV shows
- Stop reading aloud right before a dramatic ending (to inspire kids to finish the story on their own.)
Inspiring your kids
Here are some resources cited by parents and educators as good jump starts to learning for the reluctant child and the frustrated parent.
Books
- 'How to Talk So Kids Can Learn: At Home and in School' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish; Simon and Schuster.
- 'The School-Savvy Parent: 365 Insider Tips to Help You Help Your Child' by Rosemarie Clark, Donna Hawkins, Beth Vachon and Marjorie Lisovskis; Free Spirit Publishing.
- 'The School Book: Everything Parents Must Know About Their Child's Education From Preschool Through Eighth Grade' by Mary Susan Miller; St. Martin's Press.
TV cable channels
- The Discovery Channel
- Animal Planet
- The History Channel
Online
- The Thinking Fountain, the Science Museum of Minnesota's Web site for kids: http://www.smm.org/sln.
- The Learning Network's Parent Channel: http://www.Familyeducation.com.
- Kid Info: http://www.kidinfo.com.
