Rachida: Letters from Algeria My country's future is uncertain. From day to day, nobody knows what will happen. I've even begun to wish for a terrible earthquake so people will look to themselves instead of killing one another, they'll work together to save human lives, to help the people who have been afflicted. God forgive me, I'm praying for it. In Algeria, no one dares say anything. Rachida was scared but felt she had to speak up. 'Show how we live now' she told me when I left, 'I'll write.' Algiers, 10 November. There's a water shortage. Not a single drop for 10 days now. I have to go 8 km in a taxi to get water. People are dying every day, especially the young. So when a kid isn't home by 8pm, we are worried sick. Mohamed's trial is in December. We still haven't got the exact date. Rachida married at 14. At 15, she had her first son, Mohamed. She became a nurse, divorced, and took responsibility for her 7 children, I've always stood up for the freedom of the individual. People live as they choose. I've had setbacks because of the way I brought my kids up. Since they were little I let them go their own way. Whether they wanted to play, be a footballer, a judoka, an Islamist, a policeman, or be unemployed. Mohamed, the Islamist. Samir, the policeman. Abdelkader, unemployed. Salima, the judoka. Tarek and Amel, both addicted to TV series. They all live under the same roof. Tarek and Amel struggle along with their studies. Samir is madly in love. Salima left for Canada this morning, with hopes of a gold medal. World championship. Hamilton 1993. The best judokas have come for this big event in Canada. Algeria's judo hopefuls are warming up, some of them with well-founded medal expectations. The hopes of the female team rest on Salima alone. A double challenge for this Muslim girl, whose religion forbids sport and whose country the West watches with concern. Her first fight is against a young Bulgarian. At 18, Salima is used to world competitions. In 90, in Mauritius, she won the gold medal in the African Games, the bronze medal in the 91 World championship, and came 5th in the Barcelona Olympics in 92. Salima began her career here, in this suburb of Algiers. Not many other young girls dared stand against family pressures. Mothers rarely let their daughters practise a sport. I had lots of problems because of Salima. It's only because she was a success that Salima was accepted. If she'd failed, even her brothers would've avoided her. I still manage to make the kids obey me. Particularly now, it's very hard. The boys find it very difficult not to raise their voices against their mother. But I manage. I think this is because of their basic education. I taught them respect and love for God and their parents. Only a few seconds before the end of the fight. The Bulgarian is ahead in this heat. The Bulgarian has made a decisive move and with this defeat Algeria loses its chance of a medal. No one in the Algerian team has got past the first series. A setback for the team whose spirit is undermined by the political atmosphere prevailing in Algeria. Reportedly, three athletes defected during the games. We don't know yet if they'll ask Canada for political asylum. To be 20 on the housing estate means living in poverty, boredom and lack of privacy. At 20, your life is at a dead-end if there's no work, housing or marriage. To be 20 is to be rejected, a victim of politics, trapped by two forces. Here, bullets, whistle past your ears. Everyone of us has been affected, each family. And the sportsmen and women... suffer from our political situation, men and women alike. They can't ignore it. It's impossible not to be affected by it. Well, now she is in Canada; she'll come back tomorrow. and she'll want to know what happened while she was away and she'll be told. We had a moment of... weakness.... Now she will have to go though it too. Because her country has changed, and they're too young to know about war. My opinion as a coach is that she was tough with the boys. She hurt them. She hurt the champions who were with her. She really did. They were the same age. And she hurt them. Because she was aggressive. She made them cry. They are champions and she made them cry. He thinks she's not as good since she has been in love. She is with her fiance and she's not as flexible. Not as before when she was a boisterous girl. Is she so fixed? --She's dependent. --She's changed. --She just sits there. --He won't let her move. She's not like before. If she makes a mistake or.... She can't make decisions anymore, she can't decide alone. For instance, if she wants to come back here, to train here in Borjekipen, Meziane says no. His training's in Algiers so she has to go and train where her future husband is. Why did I encourage her to do judo? I couldn't encourage the boys and not her. The boys ran away, because Salima was one girl among all boys. For them, here in Algeria, this was too much. She wasn't supposed to do sport. But Salima resisted. Samir was here one day, with a fractured leg. He broke his plaster and went out. 'I can't stay with Salima fighting boys. I'm not a man anymore. I have lost my honour.' Her Future? First, I wanted her to have what I couldn't have. I asked her to persevere. To win the World championship and her Olympic thing. She could have received social benefits. Maybe she would have had a reward, enough money to help her to get out of this hole. Hurry up! Go and get her. They always wait for Salima to return, she's the only girl to travel. It's through her eyes that the local women see the world. Tell me what happened. I...in the first heat.... You lost the first series? You know, I could have won easily. I am very tired. Salima's father lives nearby, on the same estate. He has always let her decide for herself. We stay up until midnight but we don't even see you on TV. I'm not a good Muslim. If I was, I would do what God says. I mean, I pray regularly and all that, but I don't wear the veil.... It's a requirement, I have to. --Will you? Sooner or later. What stops me is my sporting career. Otherwise, I would have done it years ago. My eldest brother Mohamed is a great Muslim now. Once, Mohamed gave me some books and I decided to stop. I thought, that's it, I must quit. Then I met Meziane and one thing led to another.... Meziane is a strict Muslim. A good Muslim. For instance, when abroad, he only eats clean meat. He is a faithful Muslim. If I wear the veil, I'll do it out of love.... Inchallah, sooner or later. In fact, even Meziane agrees I should wear it. Salima has such strength of character. It's wonderful but she's weakening, because of her married life. Because Desmani is little by little getting a hold on my daughter's way of thinking. He's the one in command and she depends on him. She has no say and this is a disappointment to me. A great disappointment. I don't like it. Desmani is very nice though. But it's a question of honour. A man's honour. And here, a man's honour.... You've got no idea. Quite something! Muslims make you think Islam wants to shut women away.... But that's not it. Muslim women are normally very happy. Especially married women. What more can I ask for? I am with my husband. I have my children, I follow the Muslim faith, I do everything to give my children a good education, that's my only concern. My problem is not being free to go out and wear nice clothes. What I want is to be a good mother and housewife. He says he's dreaming of a large family, a family of 7: 5 boys, myself and him sitting at the table, having a meal talking together.... 5 good Muslim boys. Yes, he's always said that's what he wanted. Good Muslims, brought up my way, well behaved. Isn't Salima a good Muslim? She's the almost perfect Muslim. Almost perfect. Because she prays and behaves like a Muslim woman. She does all the things a Muslim woman must do. There are still a few thin.... I love my religion. She loves Islam, very much. In fact, she's going to wear the veil, very soon, she will. Then, she'll quit sports. It's over. Are you happy about it? Very. I'm looking forward to it. If I'd had my say, she'd have done it long ago. Meziane has a principle, he doesn't force you to wear the veil. But you must wear it with conviction, with love. He could force his sister, me or his mother maybe. But he knows that when he's away, his sister can take it off, she can put make up on with the veil and so can I, I'm not asking much ftom her as a woman. I ask her to comply with her duties as a woman who respects her husband. What are these duties? I mean, when dressing, to wear the proper clothes. For instance when going out, to walk in the street in the proper way. To obey her husband. Does Salima obey? I don't have to ask her, she does automatically. She knows her limits and her rights towards me. And if not? I throw her on the judo mat and I beat her. That's all. If Salima has decided she'll wear the veil, let her be. Amel also made the decision. And then, when she realised she could not go swimming, she took it off. I told her: 'You can't wear the veil in winter and not in summer. It's impossible.' She thought hard about it for two days, and she'd worn it without asking my advice. I was against it. For me, wearing the veil is sacred. You can't take it off afterwards. You must follow the Way and reach towards God. At one stage in the 90s, the Islamic Front was very popular. Wearing the djilbel and the veil was in fashion. And now in 93, I think 50% of those wearing the veil have taken it off. They walk like this, like me. The use of the veil or the headscarf is one of God's commandments. I must say it is strict. But I can't abide by this commandment. I just can't. I can't see the difference between a veiled woman and me. Islamic Salvation Front Congress. Algiers, November 1990. God grants you success and leads you to the way, He gives you a home in Paradise. Prayer helps you solve your problems and protect yourself from your enemies. In it you'll find your soul's repose. In January 92, the Front was credited with 80% of voting intentions. February 92, a state of emergency was declared. March 92, the Front was banned. Today, possessing this document incurs the death penalty for breaching State security. In 10 years, 10,000 mosques were built in Algeria. There are 3 mosques on Rachida's estate. Mohamed has been an Imam for nearly 5 years. He was saying his prayers at the age of 3. But this change, this drastic change.... He no longer wanted to watch films or listen to music. I think this is because of his study of Islam, because of the books I gave him myself when he dedicated himself to his religion. I had to help him because he wanted to follow the way to salvation, the way to God. These books were quite expensive but I got them for the love of God as well as for the love of my son. This is Mohamed before he became a religious integrist I'm stroking his beard and mocking him gently. I said: 'Your beard doesn't look nice.' This is him. He's always had these sad eyes. Everyone's having fun except him. Mohamed, the holy man. Samir, the policeman. Rachida forbade the brothers to talk politics, to have peace in the family. Samir and Mohamed led separate lives ignoring each other in this tiny space. Then came the political division. Rachida threw them out and told them to be responsible for their own beliefs. Yes, I asked my mother for her opinion. What did she say? She said it was my life, it was up to me. I told her I'd decided to be a policeman. She told me not to. ... I don't know. She helped me, that's all. When I want something, nobody can stop me, or tell me what to do. But I'll accept the consequences. She let Mohamed go his own way too. She said: 'Do as you wish.' Well, Mohamed. ... When he grows his beard or when he prays, that's all right. You have a good wage? Yes. That's why he married early. You're getting married in August? Inchallah. On the 13th or the 14th. Inchallah. Where will you live? I don't know. Perhaps they'll give me a tied house. It depends on what's available. They give priority to the policemen living in a 'hot zone.' Did you get one? We are 8th on the waiting list. We all love Islam. All of us. And they're all faithful, those who are dying now are all faithful. They are the integrists. ... Mainly policemen are dying and they are all faithful. In their own way, of course. You fear for your family? Oh yes! Samir the policeman and Mohamed the holy man are 22 and 23 respectively. Now to survive, you must choose which side you're on and expose yourself on the front line. Somebody rang. They said: 'Tell Rachida that in the crowd, her son got a stray bullet.' I went to the hospital. I thought they wouldn't do anything. My son was in a coma. I stayed with him, in my nurse's uniform. I was allowed to stay because I was a member of the Health Service. When Mohamed came he said: 'Don't worry' He was so pale I thought he was dying. I thought I could have him back home after the operation. In fact I didn't get him back at all. Mohamed the Imam has been in jail for one year without a trial. Samir heard that Mohamed had been tortured for 13 days. He paid the legal fees for his defence. I talked to his lawyer who said he would be released, inchallah. Because there's no evidence to suspect him. He's got notbing to do with it. They just want him to say he saw what happened, he saw the terrorists when they shot the policemen.... That's enough. Stop. Can we change the subject? He was very true to himself and to the others. He hated lies. That's why he's in jail. I think that's why. When he was wounded, he got up and said: 'I am a true follower.' It's because the people think that those who are for the religion are killers, that he had to go through this. But it's not true. Well, I'm not saying there are no killers, but nobody knows who the killers are. No one. No one can be so certain and point at people, integrists or government supporters, nobody can tell. Mohamed has always respected me. He's always shown his affection. He wasn't ashamed. He's nearly 6 foot tall and when I met him on the bus, with his beard and his djellaba, he kissed me, and I didn't wear a djilbel or a headscarf. He wasn't ashamed of me. At the mosque, with people, in professional circles where he studied, whenever I visited, he kissed me in front of everybody. I was his mother and he loved me as I was. He never forced me to wear a hijab or a djilbel. He never tried to stop me from watching TV or listen to music, never. He was making his point little by little. Very slowly. He's ever so patient. He had a way with us. Once I mentioned his wife: 'I'm not sure she has got the faith.' He said: 'She hasn't got a strong faith, but with my love, I'll breathe a faith as strong as mine into her.' And I think he succeeded with his wife. He had a little conflict with me because I can't come to terms with.... It's not a headscarf that will make me believe or give me faith. Because I've got faith already. God is in me. I believe, very strongly. And it's not by my wearing a scarf, a hijab or a djilbel that people will see me as a believer. It's not true. In the name of God this dress is considered as the Islamic dress. It's a Muslim woman's duty to wear this garment, the djilbel, as well as gloves and stockings. This is the Sheria's rule. Since the age of 11 I have followed the rules and worn the hijab. I've finished! I can see Mohamed every two weeks. It's very painful for me when I go to the prison. I wait all day long to see him for just 5 minutes. We are happy for those 5 minutes. When the bell rings, I go to pieces. We speak about our baby, trying to guess whether it's a girl or a boy. To be honest, I prefer girls but my husband wants a boy. So....I want a boy too. Actually, the little soul who will come, God willing, will automatically be educated according to the Sheria's rule. I will not allow him to listen to music. The Sheria forbids it. It's a sin to listen to music or songs. Algiers, 15th November. The baby was born at home at 17.40. He is absolutely beautiful. 3 days after his birth, Amel and I took Mouad to visit Mohamed in the prison. I asked him how he was and then I unwrapped Mound. What a shock it was! Mohamed opened his eyes wide and cried Mouad's name. Then he threw himself face down on the ground in front of everybody and praised Allah 3 times. He stood up, crying with joy, banging the glass between us. He was like a baby himself. Soon Mohamed and I fell out over his baby. Moharned said he'd educate him his way. I said: 'In that case, he won't visit his grandma.' Of course. But, if he comes to his grandma, he'll see another way of life. Mother, --Do I look all right? --Yes, you look as you should do. What's going to happen now is that I'll let him do all sorts of things. I'll bring him up my way. What's your way? My way is to love God and religion, it's to be free. For example, not to renounce the world. To see what's happening in the world, watch TV and listen to the radio. So that come the 21st century, you're not left behind. Mohamed, a Muslim, Samir, a policeman, Tarek will soon be a pop singer. If I stop studying, yes. I'll go away, if I stop studying, If I don't pass my A levels, Because there's nothing for me in this town, in Algeria. I'll do nothing, I'll sit at home like a good boy. And if I go out, then I'll become a yobbo. A man is nearly a sultan, a king in his house. He can say whatever he wants, whether right or wrong. He must say what he likes, even if.... And the woman must not complain, she must shut her mouth and stay in her place, otherwise, she'll get a beating. A single woman here in Algeria is easy prey. I hide from my kids I'm at risk, because a single woman must show she's strong. If I'm short of money to buy food, I don't tell the kids. I borrow money and I prepare a real feast. Then I watch them eating and I feel so relieved. Fatima was abrupt. She used to storm out of her room and switch the radio off. She's stopped doing this because Mohamed told her: 'If you don't want the music, go to your room or the kitchen and let them listen to it.' He's flirting with Agnes like a maniac! What makes you think so? It's as plain as the nose on your face. He's putting on his great act. And you're not jealous? Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Following Mustapha Abada's assassination the president of the State High Committee, Ali Kafi offers his deepest sympathy to the press. Mustapha Abada was shot in the head and died from his wound. The murderer ran away. Mustapha Abada is the 7th journalist to be murdered. It used to be a paradise here. We were not afraid to stay out until midnight, there was nothing to worry about. That was in the past unfortunately. Now I'm always scared at night. Since the curfew, the police have come at night to check if there are people on the streets. They can hurt people. They entered the neighbour's house, they searched the place for weapons. I could hear their steps in the walkway. It's the way they walk, their shoes.... It's so noisy. It's dangerous here, really dangerous. It's risky at night. Maybe a stray bullet. I could be killed by a stray bullet. So I'm scared. Algiers, 20 November. The clock rings at 5 am but I can't wake up. Prayer. Breakfast. My neighbours and Fatima heard the racket the soldiers made. Around 2 am, there was a raid. People are crying. They say that all those who were taken have been killed and the bodies left for all to see. I can't believe it. I put up with it and go down for a walk. I must suffer the people's tears and cries. These people do nothing wrong. I mean, they have no real political involvement. They hear the rumours and watch TV. That's all. They're just workers, they sweat 8 or 10 hours at work and go home. These men and women are exhausted. At night they just sleep. And they're scared. Scared stiff. No one knows why they're scared. That night, 11 men aged 15-35 were taken at random. They were woken up and executed. Their bodies were left in the road. The army's justification: Reprisals against people suspected of supporting terrorists. I saw them, one by one. At the morgue, I identified them myself because there were no names. As they were all neighbours I recognised them. They'd been given numbers and I gave them back their full names. I was like a robot. I felt empty. It was raining and I was numb. I was too depressed to feel anything. That day was marked by grief. I don't know why this country has gone downhill so much. Nobody expected it. Absolutely no one. We were building our future. The young were eager for success, they wanted to become doctors, engineers, astronauts and scientists. We strived for it. And all of a sudden, everything collapsed and nobody knows why. Nobody knew who was what. It was total confusion. Sometimes I think that behind an angelic face something vicious lurks. When walking in the street, I get worried. If a car stopped, I didn't use to give a damn, I ignored it. But now, if a car stops behind or beside me I take a quick look at it, in case it's come for me. I was hoping for a steady life. Not to be rich but rise above the average, and above all, I wanted to be loved. It was my dream. But it didn't come true. I'm capable of love. But with my pigheaded nature people find me hard to love. That's a fact. That's why I love Mohamed. I think he's the only one who loved me and made sure I knew it. I miss my boy. I swear I do. It's a dog's life because I cry alone and must console myself. My children find comfort with their father. So if I happen to make a comment or reproach, they run away. They know where to hide and get a meal. They're taken care of. If not for him, they would have to face my reproaches. We wouldn't be in this mess. That's particularly true for Abdel who is 21 and doesn't do a damn thing all day long. I wish I was a rich guy. A car, and a flat for myself. Everything I need. We've nothing in Algeria. It's sports or nothing. Here, the young Algerians go under. Most of them become drug addicts, and they've got nothing to do and they drop out of school early. They're idle and start messing about. I've got no job because I have no diploma. I did a course in electra-mechanics. But it went over my head because it was in French. I didn't understand Maths in Arabic, so in French, you can imagine! Electric circuits and Physics in Arabic were bad enough. In French it was hell. That's no good. I like speaking in Arabic. Here, people mix languages. Instead of saying 'el mara,' I'll say 'el batiment,' I don't say 'seldolieu' but 'Ia pharmacie.' Sometimes I don't know the Arabic word for something. I can't say the word.... So I say it in French. It's strange, I don't know it in Arabic. Many doors are closed. For us, there are few openings. There's only one door that's open to us, that's the barracks. Barracks, where you enrol. The barracks or the mosque. There's nothing left, no universe, no opening. Nothing. Everything has been burnt down and devastated for ever. For ever, ever and ever. We must mourn the dead. They all died. There are no living anymore. We must mourn the dead. Millions and millions of silent kisses for the dead. It's the depression. The crisis. There's no work. It's tough on the young now. I ignore politics. I don't like them. Before the revolution, I was interested. Now I only try to feed myself and find some sleep. Survive. That's all I can do. It's nice but it lacks.... What's 'nana' in French? Mint. I work at night. My job requires this. I work nights and mornings, I have no regular timetable. I work all the time. Because here in Algeria, it's a bit tough. I'm a policeman and here in Algeria, I don't know.... Most policemen don't live at home. They are afraid because there are many terrorists here. You're not afraid? No, on the contrary. I'm proud to be a policeman here in Algeria. Because I love my country and I must defend it. Algiers, Sunday 12. The assassination of Samir, my child, 22 years and 4 months old took place on the 4th December, at 2.15 am. Men dressed as soldiers banged at the door. In the dark, I woke Fatima, the children and Samir also, to reassure everybody. After peering through the windows, Samir told me to open the door: 'They're soldiers, don't be afraid.' I opened. They grabbed Samir violently. One man went to Samir's bed and took the gun from under the pillow. They took him barefooted to the cemetery, 500 yards away. with another policeman and a mentally ill person. I didn't scream because one of the false soldiers told me: 'Don't be afraid, we'll send him back after the identity check.' I thought I was in a dream but Samir's bed was empty. At 5, I went to the police station. A woman was crying, waiting to be told bad news. I prayed and hoped although I knew very well that Samir had been shot with his own gun. At 6.40 The ambulances brought the bodies. The first body wasn't Samir. In the second ambulance I saw 2 pairs of feet. They opened the main door of the vehicle. Samir was in there, still warm. He looked as if he was asleep. He was shot in the chest and the head. His white sweater was stained with blood. I stroked his face and said: 'This is my boy.'
Rachida is a mother. She lives in Algiers. Eliza McDonald and Jo Thomas are film directors. They live in Arles, France.
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